Confusion and Worry
by Lotho's Cute Villainess Minion
Summary: Sequel to 'Dreams and Promises'. Ponder Stibbons/Adrian Turnipseed slash. Ponder is having second thoughts about his feelings for the student. Ridcully and Adrian certainly aren't helping matters...


AN: Well, I was begged for a sequel, so I started one. Tada! I will note, however, that my Ponder is so OOC it's not funny! *hangs head* I don't mean to... really...  
  
Disclaimer: Do you seriously think Pratchett would write Ponder/Adrian slash? I think not. Sadly, my little slash-ness separates me from Pterry in the biggest way yet. Except for age, gender, hair colour... hey, shut up!  
  
*  
  
Seated cross-legged on the ground, but arched so far back that the top of his head touched the ground, Ponder Stibbons watched as, behind him, Adrian Turnipseed shifted his position on the bed a few times until he was in the comfortable, yet strange position of lazily reclining on two pillows, while his feet and legs trailed half-way up the wall. This was met with a small snicker from the former. "You look ridiculous." He observed, though with the slightest of grins on his face.  
  
"You look even worse." The other flatly observed, half-heartedly tossing one of his two pillows towards the figure on the ground, who attempted to deftly catch it, but missed it completely, watching but not bothering to do anything about it as it skidded a few feet away.  
  
He unfolded his legs and rolled over onto his stomach, a much more comfortable pose. He smiled a little, watching his younger companion in silence. There was something deep, wonderful, /meaningful/ about the way he felt for the student. It was greater than admiration, deeper than friendship, more meaningful than lust. He might almost go so far as to say he loved him.  
  
But that couldn't be.  
  
Well, certainly they'd discussed their feelings for each other. Almost endlessly, really, since their first kiss, they'd discussed how they really felt. But really, they'd never used the word 'love'. They'd said they cared for each other, that they'd never leave each other, that they'd be together forever. But never had they used the word 'love' to describe their feelings.  
  
But really, the feeling, it had to be love. He'd never felt this way about anyone before... not that that really said a lot. He'd never had a chance to feel this way about anyone. He'd never really had anyone to particularly care about. (Except a puppy, once, but that didn't count).  
  
Adrian smiled a little, tenderly, catching the faraway look in Ponder's eyes. "You thinking, love?"  
  
The sound of the word, such a simple word, really, caught Ponder's attention. Just when he'd been thinking about... He relaxed after a terrifying moment of uncertainty. Nothing. It was just a simple term of endearment, nothing more. It kind of worried him that such a simple term; an unoriginal pet nickname like 'love' scared him so much. After all, didn't he want Adrian to love him? Didn't he want to love in return?  
  
No. He realised it, a shiver shooting down his spine. No, he wasn't ready for love, whatever it may be. Love was bigger than the mountains, deeper than the seas... he was ready to feel the emotion, certainly, but not to admit it to himself and to other people. Especially about something... something... well, something controversial.  
  
"A bit." He replied, a few moments later, a little distantly.  
  
The slightly younger one smiled again, he too rolling over onto his stomach. Taking it the one step further, he curled his legs beneath him and moved into a sitting position, then slowly slid off the bed so he was merely a few inches from Ponder. "What're you thinking about, hmm?"  
  
Ponder opened his mouth to reply; Adrian raised a warning finger. "Say 'stuff', and die."  
  
A slightly worried Ponder traced patterns on the ground in front of him as Adrian reached across that few inches, ruffling his hair and adjusting his glasses slightly. Damn it, why was he suddenly so worried and nervous about their relationship? Adrian had ruffled his hair countless times, adjusted his glasses incalculable times, kissed him a million or more times... why did he have to pick now to start worrying about what came next, when it came time to determine whether what they felt was really... the 'l' word?  
  
He didn't have any time left to think about it. Next thing he knew, Adrian was straddling his hips and pinning him back on the ground, smirking at him slightly. Yes, he'd known it was coming all along, ever since Adrian first moved from his original position on the bed, and yet he hadn't bothered to guard against it in any way. It was something of a greeting... no, more of a ritual. Normally, however, he was a little less thoughtful and confused at the time. Occasionally, he'd actually put up a fight.  
  
Once, he'd actually been the one to pin Adrian down. But he strongly suspected that was because he'd let him.  
  
"Are you okay? Really?" Adrian asked him, the concern evident not only in his voice, but echoed in his eyes.  
  
He thought about his answer for a moment. Easily, he could have said 'yes', and they could have continued about their business. Just as easily, he could have said 'no', and they could have discussed his feelings. But he couldn't really explain to him that he wasn't sure whether he really loved him or not, because that was a great way to become very lonely, very quickly. Either way, he'd end up lying to Adrian, and he wasn't sure if he particularly wanted to do that.  
  
"I don't know." Ponder confessed. It was the safest way to respond, and it was the most truthful of all answers he could possibly give. He paused for a moment, and then smiled up at the slightly concerned face of Adrian Turnipseed. "I think I'm feeling a little better now, though."  
  
It was corny, he knew that, but it was all he could think to say. And, after all, it worked. Suddenly, his confusion had been wiped from his mind and he was kissing Adrian. It abruptly returned when he first realised that his younger partner had a little more in mind than just kissing.  
  
For the first few moments, it was easy to go along with (or rather, ignore). But it wasn't long before he started to worry a little more than before. He didn't have time to protest, or even pull away, though. Before he could say a thing, the door had opened and Archchancellor Ridcully barged in. "Mister Sti -" He stopped midsentence, taking in the scene at hand. He saw Adrian Turnipseed, who he only recognised as one of those students from the HEM Building, straddling the youngest member of his faculty, lips locked in passion while the light fingers and soft hands of the student worked their way around Ponder's body.  
  
Ridcully wasn't a particularly silent guest even when he wasn't speaking, and the two of them realised his presence almost immediately. Guiltily, Adrian pulled away from Ponder and darted to the other side of the room. "A- archchancellor..."  
  
It didn't take long for Ridcully to find his voice again. "What are you two /doing/?"  
  
"Uhh... We can explain! It's not what it looks like!"  
  
"We can?"  
  
"It's not?"  
  
There was an uncomfortable silence. Ponder, feeling his face turning scarlet and not daring to look up at either Ridcully or Adrian, self- consciously adjusted his glasses and reassured himself of the positioning of his pointed hat upon his head. He was finding himself under the embarassing scrutiny of the Archchancellor (something that happened very rarely, as Ridcully was not typically the type to place anything under scrutiny unless it was about to be shot with a crossbow).  
  
"Mister Stibbons, I'll be wanting a word with you. Now, if you would be so good." 


End file.
